theharemvoice: November 2011

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Deepak Chopra quotes

“If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It's very important to be aware of them every time they come up.”

“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.”

There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle.”

“Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.”

You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices.”

Rabia al-Adawiyya Qoutes

-O God,
You know that the only thing I want in this life
Is to be obedient to Your command.
Even the living sight of my eyes
Is service at your court.

-Brothers, my peace is in my aloneness.
My Beloved is alone with me there, always.
I have found nothing in all the worlds
That could match His love,
This love that harrows the sands of my desert.
If I come to die of desire
And my Beloved is still not satisfied,
I would live in eternal despair.

-To abandon all that He has fashioned
And hold in the palm of my hand
Certain proof that He loves me---
That is the name and the goal of my search.

-O my Lord, if I worship You from fear of Hell, burn me in Hell; and if I worship You from hope of Paradise, exclude me from Paradise. But if I worship You for Your own sake, do not withhold from me Your Eternal Beauty

The freedom from something is not true freedom.

The freedom from something is not true freedom.
The freedom to do anything you want to do is also not the freedom I am talking about.
My vision of freedom is to be yourself.
It is not a question of getting freedom from something. That freedom will not be freedom, because it is still given to you; there is a cause to it. The thing that you were feeling dependent on is still there in your freedom. You are obliged to it. Without it you would not have been free.
The freedom to do anything you want is not freedom either, because wanting, desiring to do something, arises out of the mind -- and mind is your bondage.
The true freedom certainly comes after choiceless awareness, but after choiceless awareness the freedom is neither dependent on things nor dependent on doing something. The freedom that follows choiceless awareness is the freedom just to be yourself. And you are yourself already, you are born with it; hence it is not dependent on anything else. Nobody can give it to you and nobody can take it from you. A sword can cut your head but it cannot cut your freedom, your being.
It is another way of saying that you are centered, rooted in your natural, existential self. It has nothing to do with outside.
Freedom from things is dependent on the outside. Freedom to do something is also dependent on the outside. Freedom to be ultimately pure has not to be dependent on anything outside you.
You are born as freedom.
...
Freedom from is ordinary, mundane. Man has always tried to be free from things. It is not creative. It is the negative aspect of freedom.
Freedom for is creativity. You have a certain vision that you would like to materialize and you want freedom for it.
Freedom from is always from the past, and freedom for is always for the future.
Freedom for is a spiritual dimension because you are moving into the unknown and perhaps, one day, into the unknowable. It will give you wings.
Freedom from, at the most, can take away your handcuffs. It is not necessarily beneficial -- and the whole of history is a proof of it. People have never thought of the second freedom that I am insisting on; they have only thought of the first -- because they don't have the insight to see the second. The first is visible: chains on their feet, handcuffs on their hands. They want to be free from them, but then what? What are you going to do with your hands? You may even repent that you asked for freedom from.
...
Basically you are totally free to choose, but once you choose, your very choice brings a limitation.
If you want to remain totally free, then don't choose. That's where the teaching of choiceless awareness comes in. Why the insistence of the great masters just to be aware and not to choose? Because the moment you choose, you have lost your total freedom, you are left with only a part. But if you remain choiceless, your freedom remains total.
So there is only one thing which is totally free and that is choiceless awareness. Everything else is limited.

A little love to you...

‎7 Steps to Happiness

An Explanation of The Colors:

The colors represent the colors of the chakras, the energy centers of the human body. They correspond to our glands, to CHI life energy, and to our lymphatic system.

-White is the Crown Chakra, which is our connection to God and The Universe. This is especially helpful when everything around us seems wrong. We can still know inside that things will get better. This is why I made it, "Think Less, Feel More." As long as we can go within, pray, meditate, we can still feel joy and connection, even when nothing else around us in the physical world seems to support it.

-Purple is the Third Eye Chakra, which is similar to the crown except it's connection to others. It's the place of intuition. I have it as "Frown Less, Smile More," because if we are smiling, the world smiles back. If we think positively, we'll be open to more positivity around us. One of the Laws of Karma says that if we believe something is true, the Universe will have no choice but to keep showing us that truth. That's why it's so important to keep smiling!

-Blue is the Throat Chakra, which is communication. Communication isn't just talking. If you train yourself to listen, really listen, you will be able to communicate much better, which is why I made that one "Talk Less, Listen More."

-Green is the heart, which is unconditional love to self and others, which is why it's "Judge Less, Accept More"...you cannot love if you are judging, and you can accept when you love.

-Yellow is the Solar Plexus chakra, which is the one of action. Whenever you get nervous and you get that tightening in the chest below the ribs, that's the solar plexus. So this is "Watch Less, Do More."

-Orange is the Sacral Chakra, which is the one of relationships. Just imagine how much better our relationships would be if we all thought daily to "Complain Less, Appreciate More?" :)

-Red is the Root Chakra, which is the survival center. When we build our life on fears, we will have more and more fears. When we build our life on love, we will have more and more love...and ultimately, happiness. This is why it is "Fear Less, Love More."

by Doe Zantamata - Author of "The Law of Attraction - As Easy As Pie"
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"The Law of Attraction - As Easy As Pie"
Ebook now available on Kindle on Amazon.com $2.99

By: Happiness In Your Life

Love

Inspiring story

When her brother was born, Sa-chi Gabriel begged her parents to leave her alone with the baby. They refused, fearing that, as with many four-year-olds, she was jealous and wanted to mistreat him.

But Sa-chi showed no signs of jealousy. And since she was always extremely affectionate towards her little brother, her parents decided to carry out an experiment.

They left Sa-chi alone with their new-born baby, but kept the bedroom door ajar so that they could watch what she did.

Delighted to have her wish granted, little Sa-chi tiptoed over to the cradle, leaned over the baby and said:

"Little brother, tell me what God is like. I’m beginning to forget."

: Life

: Life does not work through indecision. Indecision promotes blocks, confusion and stress. Make a decision and allow life to find movement through you. Trust yourself.

2: The 3 C’s of life are Courage, Capacity and Commitment. It takes Courage and a commitment to make many of life’s decisions, and capacity to follow them through. The 3 C’s of a successful relationship are Caring, Consideration and Communication. Communication opens the door between us, consideration allows us to pass through it and our ability to care for each other unites us.

3: Truth is not truth out of timing- yet it remains truth. We are the timing to recognize truth.

4: The mind recoils from the unknown, so we seek to make everything known, and, thus sage. Imagination is the key to the unknown- positive, uplifting imagination.

5: For as long as we search for Our God Self, we deny that we are it. Loving your self reveals your truth.

6: Becoming free is not changing yourself into someone you think you should be. Becoming free is falling in love with who you are- right now.

7: Imagine a room of pitch dark and a room of bright light connected by a door. When you open the door what happens? Light floods into the dark room, illuminating it. Live accordingly, think thoughts of light.

8: F.E.A.R- False Evidence Appearing Real

9: Anything of the past that is unresolved is unresolved now. Living NOW resolves the past.

10: Life flows from the inside out, never the reverse. Understand this and you cease to be a victim.

11: Love responds- fear reacts. Love connects- fear separates. Love uplifts- fear deflates. Love creates- fear destroys.

12: There is no such thing as a mistake- only experience. There is no such thing as failure- only people’s condemnation. There is no such thing as success- only people’s approval. Let life live through you.

13: Do not get caught up in modifying your life, allow life to change YOU. Modification is a superficial exterior veneer, change is an inner shift in consciousness.

14: Pain is a measure of your resistance to change.

15: Decide whether you want to be an onlooker of life or a participant. This is the birthplace of choice.

16: You hear with your ears- but you listen with your mind. You look with your eyes- but you see from the heart.

17: Consciousness is not contained in your body- you are the consciousness that contains the body. Consciousness draws to itself form through which to express

18: Your mind cannot exist in the moment. You cannot think your way into the moment, you can only think your way out of it. This indicates that your mind/intellect cannot set you free. Only your consciousness is aware of NOW. True freedom is a state of consciousness.

19: We each live in our own universe, a universe of our making. It is designed to support our beliefs and our focus. Our thoughts are our focus, so observe your thoughts, focus on your blessings, and trust. This is how you become a participant.

20: Practise seeing all life around you as an aspect of yourself. In this way you shatter the illusion of separation.

21: Your mind does now know the difference between what you do want or what you don’t want, it only knows what you focus on. Many people focus on what they don’t have, what they are incapable of doing and their sicknesses.

22: If you focus on what you do have, it increases. If you focus on what you don’t have, you will have even less. If you focus on your capabilities, they grow, if you focus on your health, it improves.

23: Your mind does not know the difference between a powerfully imagined reality and a physical

Osho Story on Rabia al-Adawiyya

Osho - What are you searching for? That which you are searching for is already within you. Religion is the search for that which is already the case. Religion is the search for that which is already the reality.

If you go further away from yourself you will know less and less and you will think you are knowing more and more. Scriptures you will know, words you will know, theories, and you can go on spinning and you can go on weaving more and more out of these words and you can make palaces in the air, but they cannot be more than airy, abstract -- they don't exist, they are made of the same stuff as dreams. Thoughts and dreams are made of the same stuff -- they are ripples on the surface of an ocean; they have nothing substantial in them. If you want to know the truth come back home.

I always say seek and you will miss, don't seek -- and find, because the very effort to seek means that you have taken it for granted that it is not with you already. From the very beginning your search is doomed. One day, seeking, searching, accumulating knowledge, the fact will strike home that you are a fool, that it would have been better before going into the vast world to seek, to have looked inside.

Again a small parable of Rabia Al. Adawia. One evening, the sun was setting and the neighbourhood found her searching for something on the street -- an old woman, everybody loved her; of course everybody thought her a little crazy, but she was a beautiful person -- so they all rushed to help her and they asked, What has been lost? What are you searching for? She said: My needle. I was doing some needlework and I have lost my needle. Help me! You are so kind! So they all engaged in the search.

Then one man, seeing the fact that the street was so big and the needle was such a small tiny thing and that unless they exactly knew where it had been dropped it would be almost impossible to find it, came to Rabia and said: Tell us exactly the spot. Rabia said: Don't ask that because in fact I have not lost it outside my house, I lost it inside.

They all stopped searching and said: Crazy woman! Then why are you searching here outside in the street when you have lost it inside the house?

Rabia said: THERE is much darkness. Here is a little light, how can you seek when there is darkness? And you know I am poor, not even a lamp with me. How can you seek when there is darkness? So I am seeking here because still a little sunlight is left, and still something can be done to search.

The people started laughing. They said: You are really crazy! We know that in darkness it is difficult to search, but then the only way is to borrow a lamp from somebody and search for it there.

Rabia said: I never thought you people were so wise. Then why do you always SEEK outside? I was just following your ways. If you are so understanding why don't you borrow a lamp from me and search inside? I know there is darkness...

This parable is meaningful. You search outside: there is a reason -- because inside everything is so dark. You close your eyes and there is dark night, you cannot see anything; even if something is seen it is nothing but a part of the outside reflected in the inner lake -- thoughts floating which you have gathered in the marketplace, faces coming and going, but they belong to the outside world. Just reflections of the outside, and vast darkness One becomes afraid. Then one thinks it is better to seek outside, there at least there is light.

But that is not the point. Where have you lost your truth? Where have you lost your being? Where have you lost your God? Where have you lost your happiness, your bliss? Better it will be before you go to the infinte maze of the outside world, better it will be to first look within. If you cannot find there then it is all right -- you go and search outside. But that has never happened. Whoever has looked within has always found -- because it is already there -- only a look is needed, a conversion, a returning of consciousness. Just a deep look.

Source - Osho Book ""Tao : The Three Treasures, Vol3"

The Importance of Setting Personal Boundaries

When do we say no, and when do we say yes? Is saying no a sign of selfishness or a sign of strength? Is saying yes a sign of weakness, or a sign of generosity and compassion?

A perplexing question for so many travellers – do we set down boundaries, and if so, how? Some say boundaries are essential, for we have to look after ourselves. They say it is a sign of strength to be able to politely disappoint someone, or to firmly tell an abusive man to back off.

But others will say boundaries are essentially selfish, the sign of a petty man, a small hearted woman. If someone is being hurtful as a result of his own sadness, is it not right to show a compassionate response instead of leaving him? How can we call ourselves a friend if we turn down a request from someone in need?

This will be a strange thing to say: what if both sides are right?

The Butterfly and the Chrysalis

The metamorphosis from a caterpillar to a butterfly holds a haunting allure – it appeals to something raw, something primal inside us: a promise of rebirth.

When the time comes, a caterpillar first protects itself from the world, wrapped inside a chrysalis. Protected inside, it grows and strengthens itself until the day it is ready to emerge as a new being, whole and strong. When that day comes, it discards the protective shell, for it no longer needs one.

Perhaps that is the lesson. There will be a time we need to set our boundaries, to give ourselves a safe space to cherish, strengthen and heal ourselves for the journey towards health and compassion. And there will come a day it stifles us, and we have to relax them, or drop them altogether.

Boundaries

For many of us, a journey of personal development starts with limitations and a desire to overcome them. For many, these limitations are weaknesses – emotional suffering and instability, fear, an overwhelming need for the approval of others, sensitivity, and so on. Others might have suffered from emotional or physical abuse. Yet others feel they don’t deserve anything good in life. I remember reading about a woman; her self-esteem was so low she slept on the floor – believing herself unworthy of her bed.

The results are the same – an inability to set a healthy boundary. A flower that is constantly trampled on, a baby that is neglected – how can they flourish?

Rudeness and Negativity

The first type of person we set up boundaries against is the critic, or worse, the abusive person. Some might have good intentions; many don’t. Others attack because of their own unhappiness; they criticise in an attempt to ease their own pain, to feel better about what they are.

Without an ability to put their comments in perspective, even the most well-intentioned critic will sap away at our self-esteem. And this goes doubly so for the overtly hurtful – their words stick in our hearts and minds, corroding our happiness and ability to function.

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

If you are a tall man, and your neighbour calls you a midget – you would simply laugh it off, for not a single cell in your being agrees with her.

What if she were to call you ugly, worthless, a worm – what then? How would you react? The degree of your reaction – whether it is aggression, anguish, defensiveness or simply withdrawal – reflects how much you secretly agree with her.

Heal those shames, remove all such self-judgement from your heart, and no longer will these words affect you. Only then can you drop your shell. When that day comes, a compassionate, mature response is not only possible, but it is the only choice we have.

Further Reading: Compassion and Finding the Servant Heart

Requests and Demands

The second category revolves around demands on your resources and time. There are countless factors to be considered here – it is impossible to give a blanket statement. Not all requests, for instance, are unfair and intrusive. Some might be tiring, unwanted, but you have an obligation to fulfil them; perhaps it is a demonstration of love. So all I can offer is a broad statement, one that is only meant to guide.

Generosity is an acknowledged virtue – but it is also unwise to give what we would need for ourselves. It is often unskilful to give when we would feel resentful, sick, or frustrated after we have done so.

Why is this so? We have confused genuine compassion with the masquerade. We have confused compassion born of strength with a weak imitation born of weakness. For many, giving does not come from generosity or selflessness – on the contrary, it comes from the utmost selfishness!

One gives, because he wants the other to like him, to accept him. Another gives, because she sees her time, her intrinsic worth as somehow less. And self-hatred is just another form of selfishness. So they continue giving, wearing a painted smile on their face – all the while thinking only of themselves, of how others see them.

Behind the Masquerade

When one gives from the mask, there is always the danger of anger and frustration. Selfishness always lurks behind the façade – one always fears the judgement of others, always wondering when they will get something in return.

I spent much of my younger years parading behind this masquerade – always giving, even when I didn’t want to. Always being taken advantage of; giving even when I was sick or tired; always afraid of disapproval. And when the criticism and abuse inevitably came, I crumbled.

Further, I was too afraid to ask for favours in return. No one displayed the same care I did. Little by little, the anger and frustration began to build. Anger when they did not reciprocate; frustration at never being able to say no. And one day it all came pouring out. Hatred at myself, hatred at the world – it was a painful time for me and those who loved me. It was a period I could have avoided if I had learnt one simple word – No.

Many people encourage such behaviour in themselves. They see themselves as a noble martyr, perhaps a victim. There are times the distinction between compassion and disguised selfishness is hard to make.

Take, for instance, a mother, sacrificing herself daily for her children. Which one is she? Only she knows. Mimicking compassion is different from feeling it, and only she knows what she is feeling. Might she better serve her children by taking some time off to nourish herself, simply so she has more to give in the future?

What are Boundaries?

The logical progression, then – what exactly are boundaries?

This shield can come in many different forms, but at its core, a boundary simply involves saying No. No to giving something; no to behaving in a certain way; no to being treated in a way that will hurt your heart, your body, your totality.

Personal boundaries can come in all facets of life – physically, emotionally, and mentally. You protect your body; you protect yourself from fatigue and stress, you protect your time, money, and even privacy. You protect your right to a basic level of respect and courtesy.

The first step, then, is to recognise that we have our own needs and values. For many, even this can sound like a shock – that is how defenseless they have been.

Immediately after this, a second recognition is vital. Just as you have your limits – so do other people. They have their own needs, wants, and feelings; just as you would want them to respect your boundaries, so would you have to respect theirs. An intrusive, overdeveloped boundary can be worse than an underdeveloped one. I read a newspaper report once, of a man who was speeding and ran over a pedestrian. His response was callous; she shouldn’t have been in the way. This is the trap we have to avoid.

A good boundary respects all parties involved; clear and firm, but non-aggressive. And as you begin to shield and stand up for yourself, you will be surprised at how the world begins to treat you. It is one of the most empowering things we can ever do for ourselves.

Nourishing the Flower

Some might find it hard to see the value in nourishing yourself first, and yet this is a common truth – you cannot give what you do not have. Unless you have love, unless you have found your own peace – whatever actions you take, no matter how outwardly beautiful, will be subtly contaminated.

As Osho says – let your flower blossom, water it, love it; and naturally it will release a fragrance. There will come a time when we see the well-being of others as inextricable from our own. Then your very presence will be of connection, of happiness and joy.

What is Love? Osho

What is Love?

Osho : It depends. There are as many loves as there are people. Love is a hierarchy, from the lowest rung to the highest, from sex to superconsciousness. There are many many layers, many planes of love. It all depends on you. If you are existing on the lowest rung, you will have a totally different idea of love than the person who is existing on the highest rung. Adolf Hitler will have one idea of love, Gautam Buddha another; and they will be diametrically opposite, because they are at two extremes.

At the lowest, love is a kind of politics, power politics. Wherever love is contaminated by the idea of domination, it is politics. Whether you call it politics or not is not the question, it is political. And millions of people never know anything about love except this politics -- the politics that exists between husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. It is politics, the whole thing is political: you want to dominate the other, you enjoy domination. And love is nothing but politics sugar-coated, a bitter pill sugar-coated.

You talk about love but the deep desire is to exploit the other. And I am not saying that you are doing it deliberately or consciously. People are falling in love with horses, dogs, animals, machines, things. Why? Because to be in love with human beings has become an utter hell, a continuous conflict -- nagging, always at each other's throats. This is the lowest form of love. Nothing is wrong with it if you can use it as a steppingstone , if you can use it as a meditation.

If you can watch it, if you try to understand it, in that very understanding you will reach another rung, you will start moving upwards. Only at the highest peak, when love is not a relationship any more, when love becomes a state of your being, the lotus opens totally and great perfume is released -- but only at the highest peak. At its lowest, love is just a political relationship. At its highest, love is a religious state of consciousness. I love you too, Buddha loves, Jesus loves, but their love demands nothing in return.

Their love is given for the sheer joy of giving it; it is not a bargain. Hence the radiant beauty of it, hence the transcendental beauty of it. It surpasses all the joys that you have known. When I talk about love, I am talking about love as a state. It is unaddressed: you don't love this person or that person, you simply love. You are love. Rather than saying that you love somebody, it will be better to say you are love. So whosoever is capable of

partaking, can partake.

Whosoever is capable of drinking out of your infinite sources of being, you are available -- you are available unconditionally. That is possible only if love becomes more and more meditative. `Medicine' and `meditation' come from the same root. Love as you know it is a kind of disease: it needs the medicine of meditation. If it passes through meditation, it is purified. And the more purified it is, the more ecstatic.

Nancy was having coffee with Helen.

Nancy asked, "How do you know your husband loves you?"

"He takes out the garbage every morning."

"That's not love. That's good housekeeping."

"My husband gives me all the spending money I need."

"That's not love. That's generosity."

"My husband never looks at other women."

"That's not love. That's poor vision."

"John always opens the door for me."

"That's not love. That's good manners."

"John kisses me even when I've eaten garlic and I have curlers in my hair."

"Now, that's love."

Everybody has their own idea of love. And only when you come to the state where all ideas about love have disappeared, where love is no more an idea but simply your being, then only will you know its freedom. Then love is God. Then love is the ultimate truth. Let your love move through the process of meditation. Watch it: watch the cunning ways of your mind, watch your power-politics. And nothing else except continuous watching and observing is going to help.

When you say something to your woman or your man, look at it: what is the unconscious motive? Why are you saying it? Is there some motive? Then what is it? Be conscious of that motive, bring it to consciousness -- because this is one of the secret keys for transforming your life: anything that becomes conscious disappears. Your motives remain unconscious, that's why you remain in their grip. Make them conscious, bring them to light, and they will disappear.

It is as if you pull up a tree and bring the roots to the sunlight: they will die, they can exist only in the darkness of the soil. Your motives also exist only in the darkness of your unconsciousness. So the only way to transform your love is to bring all the motivations from the unconscious into the conscious. Slowly slowly, those motives will die. And when love is unmotivated, then love is the greatest thing that can ever happen to anybody. Then love is something of the ultimate, of the beyond.

That is the meaning when Jesus says, "God is love." I say to you: Love is God. God can be forgotten, but don't forget love -- because it is the purification of love that will bring you to God. If you forget about God completely, nothing is lost. But don't forget love, because love is the bridge. Love is the process of alchemical change in your consciousness.

How Do I Learn To Love Myself? Osho

Love has three stages.

First you have to learn to love yourself, because only if you love yourself can you love the other. You have to love yourself so much that love starts overflowing. Perhaps that is where you are; you need the other. That is the second stage of love.

Loving the other is a difficult job. Loving oneself is simple. Because the other need not fit with you, need not fulfill your expectations; the other may start power trips, ego trips, all kinds of numbers. And you will need love enough not to be dominated, not to be destroyed by the other; otherwise, the other always destroys it.

Jean-Paul Sartre is not absolutely wrong when he says the other is hell. Alone you can be silent, peaceful. With the other everything becomes difficult, everything becomes a conflict. The very presence of the other makes demands on you. You have to be very compassionate, very kind, not to get caught into an intimate enmity; otherwise the other is going to become a hell to you.

You have to be so loving that your love transforms the other, to such an extent that you can say the other is not hell. You have to be very articulate, very understanding. It is one of the greatest experiments in life. There is no other experiment which is bigger. You have to love in such a way that slowly, slowly it changes the other person, and the other person starts dropping the effort to dominate, the effort to manipulate. It all depends on your love.

In each case you should remember that you have taken the step. It is your experiment, and you have to be grateful to the other that he is participating in your experiment. If you want your experiment to be successful, then you have to go on loving in spite of the other, not bothering about small things.

Only when you can love the other person to such an extent that it becomes a transformation in him or in her does the third stage of love arrive. Then it is not a question of two persons loving each other; then it is love which engulfs two persons and the two persons become, in a certain deeper sense, one whole.

In India we have the statue of Aradhanishwar, half man, half woman. That is the third stage of love: when the man and the woman are no more two persons, they have become half and half into one whole. This third stage of love is, automatically, meditation. One who can reach this stage need not do anything else for meditation; this will be his mysticism. This was the whole approach of tantra, to reach to the third stage of love; then no other religion, no other methods are needed. Love itself becomes your god, your ultimate experience.

But the second stage is really difficult; otherwise, for thousands of years people would not have escaped into monasteries. What was the fear? Why were they trying to hide in monasteries?

The second step is really difficult, and because of the difficulty all religions have chosen to escape from life. But escaping from life is not the answer, it is simply cowardice.

Life has to be changed through understanding. And if you love, love has an alchemy of its own. If love cannot change the other person, it only means you don't know what love is; you must be misunderstanding something else for love, because love is absolutely capable of changing people. In fact, it is the only way to change.

There is no place where love is being taught. There is no place where love is being nourished. That is one of the functions of the mystery school: to make your love pure, pure of ego and power and domination -- just a sheer gift of joy, a delight in the being of the other person, just a sharing of all that you have, holding nothing back.

Love is the greatest magic.

Don't be afraid of the other; let the other enter your life. I don't teach escapism. I teach you to go into the world, to transform the world, because only in that transformation will you be transformed. By escaping to the hills and to the monasteries you will miss transformation yourself. You will shrink, you will not expand. And if you cannot love a single person, how are you going to love the whole universe? And that's what prayer is -- loving the whole universe.

People feel that it is easier to love the whole universe, because there seems to be no problem -- the universe, the trees, the stars, the moon, the sun... they don't create any problem.

The other creates trouble because your love is not enough. If your love is overflowing, the other will be showered by it, cleansed by it. And instead of creating trouble for you, the other can become a tremendous help, a complementary part in the organic unity of your being, and can lead you to the third stage.

It all depends on how much you can love.

And I don't think that one should be miserly about love. It costs nothing. And it is not a quantity, that you have loved one kilo, so now there is one kilo less. It is not a quantity.

The more you love, the more you have it.

The more you give, the more the universe goes on pouring into you from all sides. There are hidden springs, just as in a well.

Love has an underground way of filling you, invisible.

The only way to know is just give it and see -- you are always full.

7 Things You Don't Know About the Power You've Always Had

Many of us think that our power is a tool or a weapon, but, in fact, power is a state of being, the way you see, hold and handle yourself in the world that then determines your experiences. The external world can only respond to the way you hold and handle yourself internally. If you show up as weak, broken, confused and dazed, the world is going to respond to you that way. If you show up as confident, kind, compassionate and loving, then the world is going to respond to you that way.

This is why we have got to understand that you do not have to do anything to have power. That said, there are some surprises when it comes to your power, ones that, if understood, can improve your ability to tap into it:

1. Power is your birthright. Your power goes back to something very simple.

At the highest spiritual level, you are made in the image and the likeness of the creator—whatever you call that creator—the source of life, the source of all things. You are one with that source—the same source that makes trees, tornadoes, sunshine, the ocean, the mountains, people. You have the same capacity, the same inherent light and the ability to create. This is your birthright. You were born with power. No one can take it away.

2. The only thing that can diminish your power is your belief that you do not have it. Repeat this to yourself. Every day.

3. Gold stars do not affirm your power. The way life is designed, we are programmed, conditioned and educated out of our power because we have been programmed, conditioned and educated to please others, to do what others say and to do what others are doing. Here's my classic story: When I went to school, they used to have a board where, if you did your work well, you got a star. There were gold stars, silver stars, green stars, blue stars, red stars. Now, red stars were not good stars. But at least you got a star. Well, when it came to writing, I could never get that little hook on that a. I just couldn't do it. I don't know why. I always got green stars: great effort, just not perfect. It confirmed my belief that I wasn't good enough because I couldn't do what somebody else could. What I know now is that comparing ourselves to others is an act of self-violence, as is living up to the expectation of others or not listening to your gut. These acts are about other people. These acts are all about external validation. Power is you. Power is standing up as your true self.

4. Power is a habit. Everything we do as human beings is a habit. I've heard that it only takes 40 repetitions to install a habit. Most of us have created a habit of being disempowered: We don't ask for this, don't do that, don't say this, don't say that. Instead, we must create a habit that reinforces our personal power. Part of this requires a daily spiritual practice. We nourish our bodies. We nourish our minds. Do we nourish our spirits? The way to remain connected to, conscious of and in alignment with our power is to remain connected to, conscious of and aligned with our source. That can be through mediation, journaling or stillness. We want to empty the mind as often as possible. We want to listen to that still, small voice that's within.

5. Power is most accessible in your worst times, not your best. When your plane crashes and you wake up in the middle of the desert with no food and no water, it doesn't matter how much money you have, how much education you have or how many friends you have. The great philosopher Whitney Houston, whom I love, sings a song: I didn't know my own strength. I crashed down, and I tumbled, but I did not crumble. I never knew my own strength. Very often, when the things that we lean on for strength—the marriage, the money, the image, the name—are gone, that's when we discover our power.

6. It's okay to forget your power. We're all going to have our moments when we get angry, upset, afraid—when we think we just can't do it. But how long do you stay there? How long do you allow the critical voice in your head to condemn you for your choices? How long will you stay in conflict and confusion, or are you able to focus your attention on something greater, grander, bigger, more loving, more powerful? It's about your recovery time. How long do you stay in your humanness before you slip back into your divinity? The ability to make that shift is the sign of being in touch with your power.

7. With power comes the chance for real connection. When you're really standing in your power, every moment becomes an opportunity to share more of who you are with others. If they are being negative, you don't avoid them. Because this is when you might talk with them in a different way, to respond with compassion or love, to find out why they are in that place, or, if they're being hurtful, to respond without being defensive. To simply say: "That is not acceptable in my space. That is not acceptable for who I am." Our experiences in life are designed to give us the ability to grow in our awareness of our personal power. Our choices, then, are about supporting the natural unfolding of that power.

Iyanla Vanzant's most recent book is Peace from Broken Pieces (Smiley Books).